So, a lot has happened since I began this journey. I’m still unemployed. I’ve applied to over 150 positions. Some admittedly with other corporations, but nothing as competitive as my previous employer. I’ve visited kids, went to dr. appointments, refinished furniture, worked on my workshop, mowed an incredible amount of grass (lots of moisture this year), and spent quite a bit of time researching and writing.
As I mentioned, my first response to the layoff was controlled patience. I read different internet blogs about the process and how to deal with it. I forced myself to stay calm and give it time before reacting. I tried to keep the right attitude and not become bitter. The one thing I couldn’t do was go back in the building. For some reason, the idea that I was unemployed, perhaps unsuccessful, or maybe identity-less, wouldn’t let me go back to the one place I’d called home, besides home. It’s been over a year and a half. I haven’t been back.
Childish? Possibly. Vengeful? No
It’s just been hard. There’s no one there I have ill feelings about. Those involved in my absence were just doing their jobs. I had some options, but none of them were good for me. There are so many people I’ve cared for over the years who are still a part of the world in which I was once involved. But, I just can’t force myself to enter that building. It was my building. I helped set it up. I helped set up the building it replaced. I hired many of those people, and I’d spent almost thirty-three years entering and exiting those doors (in one location or another).
So, anyway. Here I am with all this time on my hands, reading want ads, applying for jobs, and trying to keep busy. The first thing I did was to dive into my writing. “Maybe that’s the way to achieve success,” I thought. Maybe the next novel would do it. Maybe I should try my hand at screenwriting. I did both, and I love it; I really do. But after a time I realized it was going to be quite a while before writing was going to pay the bills, if it ever did. What else could I do? All I know how to do is manage people and business. It seemed like I was just spinning my wheels.
I still believe that if I can find the capital and the right kind of business, I can make it a success. I live in a rural area. Business is scarce, yet not all businesses will find a market. The nearest large city is three to four hours away, but I keep thinking, “there’s something everyone needs and if I find it… if I have the money to invest… I know I have the business skills to succeed.”
In the meantime, I keep playing upon this idea of creating a blog which kind of chronicles life beyond the corporate world and celebrates innovation and independence. A blog that helps mark the path and allows me to see where I’ve been. I continue writing and hoping I might even stumble upon a job or a new career. Maybe my path will take me to some place I never expected. I’d be lying if I said there hasn’t been any discouragement. It’s taking a lot longer than I thought it would to find a new normal and a place where I fit, a way I can contribute and find value. I imagined that this blog would introduce others who have made it and that would provide encouragement, not just for me, but for others. I have yet to approach that aspect of it. I just have to have the courage to follow it; over there… where it disappears… between those trees and around that bend.
So what about you? Where are you at? Do you like what you do? Are you searching for your own spot? I keep looking, and thinking, and staying busy. I’ll investigate other options, visit other categories, and eventually maybe we’ll look at what some other folks are doing. People who have stepped out, for one reason or another, and are doing what they love. Maybe it will inspire both of us.
